Don't make out with my wife yet
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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