Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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