Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize