Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
