it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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