So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
