Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize