just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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