flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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