i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's official drugs can't kill me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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