It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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