he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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