i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
