I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
