walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
