I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
