He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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