I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize