My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
