sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
