dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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