I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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