there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
