throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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