have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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