Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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