I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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