So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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