oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
