life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
