Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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