two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
