We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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