One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
