Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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