new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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