I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think people are normalizing furries
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize