that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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