FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
