she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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