I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
