i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
