Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
