i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
