Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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