Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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