Cold hands, warm shart.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
