I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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