I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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