Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
