WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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