I didn't shave. On purpose
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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