I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
