How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize