So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
