I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize