If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
