Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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