i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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