I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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