dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize