I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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