We won't sleep together?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
