I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
