I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
