period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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