Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I will pee on everything he values.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize