i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
