My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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