I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
