i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
