I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
