Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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