3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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