i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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