Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
