i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
