theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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