I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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