I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
