I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
