6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
