hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
