Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
no you cant smoke seaweed
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
