I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
