ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
