Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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