btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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