is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
