Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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