The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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