I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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