i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
