does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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