JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
