They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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