You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
