take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
