I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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