I am in a vortex of obligation.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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