I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
