Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
