I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
