I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
