Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
