once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
